Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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