one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
