pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i dont even know how to be here
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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