wakey wakey hands off snakey
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
