you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
