Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
