I just pynch a tree in the face
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
