I'm eating all of the evidence.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
