In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
