Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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