He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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