i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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