i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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