I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
