Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Randomize
