They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
