you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
