this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
