he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
