WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
