A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
