What did we do last night that was yellow?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I need to sanitize my soul.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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