Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
