I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
