Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
