I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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