Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
