PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
