If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
