Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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