Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
