i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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