Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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