Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
