It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
