Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
