it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
