why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
