chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
