Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
