he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
