i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
