what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
