i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
