I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
