he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
