I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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