No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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