in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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