fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
