HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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