took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
