Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Vodka?
Forever.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
