So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
