how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Two words: blizzard sex
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Why is there bacon in the couch?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
