I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
