VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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